Yesterday something happened in the gym at California Strength. Just a little thing between Donny Shankle and me. No fuss was made beyond us locking eyes for a moment and both knowing what the other was thinking, but its something i had waited to see for almost a decade. I’d be lyin’ if I said I didn’t have to wipe my eyes a minute later, but thankfully no one noticed.

But nothing remains constant. As soon as a milestone is passed, it’s significance fades, and the focus is shifted to some other marker further down the road. No matter what you do or how satisfying it is in that beautiful moment in time, immedietely you want more. You have to, if you want to find out how good you can be. You HAVE to look at goals as the most significant, beautiful, wonderful things in the world to obtain, then when they are attained, curtail the joy in short order, and again look forward and begin to build the desire in your heart for another destination on the horizon. Sometimes it seems crazy to always look to what your fingers cannot quite touch, to not let yourself be satisfied, never rest, never allow complete happiness with what is. Seems like a crazy way to live.

On the other hand, I believe I would go insane without it. If my quest, my dreams, even my own white whale to chase was replaced with a mindless 9 to 5, white picket fence, sit-coms in the evening and nothing more to bitch about than taxes and the neighbors they probably would have to strap me down and start the medication.

In the words of the great Waylon Jennings, I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane.

Well, actually there are a few things, which I will cover now. In the womens competition Berube and Mangold looked like favorites for 1st and 2nd, with Zimmerman in position to challenge if either one of them had a bad day. Leathers, Taylor, Greenburg and Farmer looked in the running for the 4th and 5th spots. Farmer established a 180 and change sinclair with her second attempt clean and jerk early in the A session which looked like it might hang on for 5th or even 4th place. Greenburg bested this by half a sinclair point on her second attempt, and Farmer tried to come back and take the lead with her 3rd attempt but was not successful. At this point Greenburg looked like she had a good chance of hanging on to 5th place and finishing in the money. Heavier lifters Taylor and Leathers made things interesting, with Leathers only making two attempts at the snatch and Taylor making 3 good attempts and ending with a 76kg snatch that was an 8kg competition PR. At this point, I would have guessed the order of 4th 5th and 6th to be Taylor, Leathers, and Greenburg, in that order, with everyone moving up a place if one of the top 3 faltered. Taylor came out and beat Greenburg’s sinclair with her opener clean and jerk, assuring her of at least 5th place, as did Leathers. This put Greenburg in 6th place out of the money unless someone bombed. Taylor made 2 clean and jerks ending in 90, for a huge competition PR before Leathers showed why she was an Olympion, going 3 for 3 on the clean and jerk ending with a solid 95 and finishing ahead of Taylor on sinclair. Zimmerman made 3 lifts, but would have only needed her openers to land solidly in 3rd place. Berube put 4 attempts together to take a big lead with a sinclair of 245 and change, then sat and waited to see if she walked home with $2000 or $1200. Mangold used her second attempt clean and jerk to add a 137 to her 109 snatch for a total of 246, and a sinclair of the same. So, $2000 for Mangold, $1200 for Berube, $800 for Zimmerman, $600 for Leathers, and $400 for Taylor. And, a very exciting sesssion for the audience!

The A session for the men was the last session. The top 3 were obviously North, Bruce, and Williams. They looked VERY even coming in, with no one really in a position to challenge them for the top 3 spots without anything extraordinary happening. Cerbus, Cornell, Moorman, Earnst and Bourgeois all looked in it for 4th and 5th places. Cerbus and Bourgeois clean and jerked first, and Cerbus added a 156 to his 134 snatch to put up a sinclair that looked like it might be in the money at 367 and change. Bourgeois put up a 157 but only added it to a 124 snatch for a sinclair of 352 and change that looked pretty iffy for the top 5. Williams put up a 127 snatch going 3 for 3, and did the same 3 for 3 performance in the clean and jerk ending with an unofficial American record 164. This gave him a 388 and change sinclair off of a 291 total weighing within the 69kg class. Ernst tried a 172 Kilo clean and jerk to put him ahead of Bourgeois and give him hope of $$ at the end and failed, then Cornell tried a 173kg attempt to do the same thing and succeeded. Bruce and North both opened at 175 very solidly, Bruce moving to 180 for his second and North moving to 182 again both successfully. Bruce moved to 184kg and also made this to topple Williams on sinclair by 1 point. Spencer opened at 185kg very solidly to get himself on the board before North tried 190 to go into the lead ahead of both Williams and Bruce. He failed, leaving him in 3rd place. Moorman made a solid 192 opener before taking a shot at the Junior American record with an attempt at 204kg, which he shouldered but could not complete. So, final results were Bruce $2000, Williams $1200, North $800, Cerbus $600, and Cornell $400.

So there it is folks. Can’t wait for the next one!

In the past 15 years or so I have had a lot of high school football players talk to me about getting bigger and/or stronger. These are often guys that any strength coach would love to work with. Kids who are already big, strong, fast, and have the genetic talent to get much, much bigger and stronger with the application of a good training plan. They are also usually motivated and I know they will work hard.

The most typical situation is a kid who started as a Junior and got some attention. Often the kid has been told by a coach or his father that with another 20-30lbs or muscle on him, he would be playing in college on a scholarship. And so, at some point between his Junior season and the summer prior to his senior year, he decides to get serious about weight training, hit the gym hard and try to lock in that college scholarship.

There is one unfortunate fact here. My friends, Rome was not built in a day. While a person can easily make solid progress in the 2-3 months that these fooball players have given themselves to “get stronger”, you can’t do in 2 months what you should have had 6 or more years to do.

Preparation to do your best in any sport as a young adult should begin at the age of 5 or 6 years old. When I was young I did not have a computer, or any electronic games. And our TV was black and white with 2 channels. The ability to watch kids shows was limited to Saturday morning cartoons. In these things I was quite normal, although we were much later than most of my friends to convert to color television. We also did not have air conditioning in our home till I was in high school. This set of conditioned meant that we played outside a LOT. We built forts, raced our BMX bikes and jumped ramps with them. We played various games and got into fights. I remember once when I was 9 or 10, we all decided to dig as big a hole as we could at the edge of the wheat field that seperated my parents small farm from the town. Five or 6 of us dug for a whole weekend on that hole, got it deep enough so that we could all get in it and stand up with our heads below ground level. We had dreams of covering it first with boards, then with dirt on the boards to camouflage it and have a secret entrance and making it our secret fort, but my dad found out what we were doing and made us fill it all back in because he was afraid it would fall in on one of us and bury us.

I don’t see kids playing like this much anymore. I know I would never catch my 10 year old son digging for hours, or even days out in the back yard for the pure fun of making a huge hole. Inside, he has air conditioning, his own laptop, an X-box and Nickelodeon on the TV blasting out shows aimed at his age group 24 hours a day. Digging and sweating outside all day would be punishment for him, not fun.

The unfortunate fact is that the lack of an active childhood with lots of physical play hurts the ultimate athletic development of many kids. And yes, the effect lasts beyond childhood. If you grew up in a rural area, weren’t the “farm kids” the ones who more often than not excelled in gym class and on the athletic field? Oh and don’t even get me started on the differences between gym class as you remember it if you are over 35, and what passes for gym class today in many cases.

How do you replace what many of us experienced as children with our own children today? My friend and Crossfit box owner Don mcCauley tells me that the Crossfit Kids program is excellent. Promoting the participation in various sports is also great. Between the age of 4 and 10, my son did martial arts, wrestling, soccer, boxing, and weightlifting. I didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do other than he always be participating in at least one sport, year round. It is also important to make exercise at home the norm from a young age. Walks to the park and spending some time climbing on the climbing walls was normal for William, as was a short session of kettlebells before bedtime. This was actually fun for us, as if he used an 8kb KB and I used a 24kg KB we were actually quite competitive with each other with how many snatches we could complete in 5 or 10 minutes. And oh how William loved to beat dad.

Can doing these things make up for hours of physical play every day? Probably not. But it’s better than TV or video games while laying on the couch.

If plenty of GPP is just what the doctor ordered during the grade school years, what’s next? Strength. 12 or 13 years of age is a great time to start a good, year round strength training program. If you start at this age, you can already have great technique firmly ingrained, and the body toughened enough that when the age is reached that will allow serious strength gains (14 or 15 for most) you do not have to waste time teaching technique or adapting to a workload. One who travels this path will have been able to reach a pretty high percentage of their ultimate strength potential by age 18, or by that senior year in football. I would propose that if this path were followed by most, 400lb cleans among high school football players would be fairly common.

But more importantly, if this type of thing were more common, I would not have had to tell as many kids, or their parents, that Rome was not built in a day.

In my 40+ years on planet earth, I have observed a few things and maybe even learned a thing or two. Or maybe not, but I am going with the idea that I have. Everyone fails. Everyone. I have failed so many times that listing them all here would be pointless. If I thought about all the times, I would no doubt just consider myself a failure and quit. My one redeeming quality is that I have kept swinging.

The Olympic lifter I most admire, Donny Shankle, has had is share of failures, bad meets, and years with no progress. Yet he is heading to Paris for the world championships tomorrow, in probably the best shape of his life. And he is mighty close to making the Olympic team for 2012. Why? Cause he kept swinging. And, eventually he is gonna hit it out of the park. But the ball ain’t gonna clear the fence if you don’t swing.

Most people who succeed in a spectacular way have one thing in common. A history of failure. Often failure of the sort that would make the average guy stop swinging. But they didn’t, and eventually they hit the home run.

My friends, when things don’t go your way, just keep swinging the bat. Work, relationships, and training. Swing your bat. Just show up and do your absolute best.

Unfortunately, how to correctly begin down the road to getting stronger and building a bit of muscle has become more complicated than it needs to be. Why? Well, partly because of a large group of idiots (experts?) giving out advice who have no business doing so. Partly because there are many “gurus” who point to their particular proprietary method as the best way or even the ONLY way to be successful. Of course every guru has a different program. But it doesn’t have to be hard or complicated, and, you don’t need to buy in to one particular cookie cutter program. There are, however, a few simple guideposts that every beginner should be familiar with. Guideposts that will allow you to benefit from the experience of thousands upon thousands who have walked the path before you. Just like in hiking, as a novice it is prudent and safe to stay close to the well marked trail. Although the challenge and excitement of blazing your own trail is satisfying to the experienced mountaineer or strength athlete, it isn’t appropriate on your first hike, or your first month in the gym. The following are general recommendations that will serve the beginner well when choosing a strength program, or planning their own.

Training 3 times per week with whole body workouts is a good place to start for a beginner. Staying relatively close to this will serve most people well. Training 2 times per week with whole body workouts has worked for many people, and if you cant do 3 times is a viable option. Maybe not ideal, but viable. While whole body workouts are a proven method, a simple split that still allows big, multi-joint exercises also works. For instance, doing squatting and pressing exercises on Monday and Thursday and doing pulling and rowing exercises on Tuesday and Friday is a schedule that will work. With either a 2 day a week whole body workout, or a 4 day split routing, you might not be waking downs the middle of the trail, but you are close enough to see it, and won’t be getting into any trouble. However, if you decide on a 6 day routine with chest on Monday, biceps and hamstrings on Tuesday, shoulders on Wednesday, etc, you are 20 miles off the trail with no food or water, your compass doesn’t work and you have lost your map. And it’s starting to snow.

Beginners should mostly select exercises that are multi-joint in nature, and work large parts of the body at once. Squats, front squats, bench presses, incline presses, military presses, push presses, deadlifts, power cleans, chinups, pullups, and barbell rows are all great exercises for beginners. Beginners should squat each time they train their legs. One major exercise per muscle group per workout is appropriate if you train the whole body at once, 1 or 2 exercises per muscle group is appropriate if you use a split routine. Where is the wiggle room here? Well, if you must, throwing in a couple of sets of curls for the girls isn’t gonna derail you. Fascinated by all the big plates the bro’s are throwing on that big shiny leg press? Well, if you are training legs Monday, Wednesday and Friday, then leg pressing on Wednesday isn’t gonna kill you as long as you keep squatting on Monday and Friday. But if you find that you are doing more side laterals than presses, or more leg extensions than squats, or your doing 4 exercises for your chest on Monday, then you are trapped at the bottom of a canyon with walls too steep to climb, it’s raining, and that little creek at the bottom is flowing faster and faster. And the water is rising.

Beginners are usually served best using 4-6 reps. A set of 3 or going for a max single isn’t going to kill you, nor will a set of 10. Doing a “drop set” with lighter weights and higher reps after your heavier sets is popular in some circles, and this also will not kill you, but it is also probably not gonna speed up the gains of a true beginner. But if the majority of your work isn’t within a medium rep range then you are heading in the wrong direction. Three work sets (not including warmups) for each exercise is a very good starting point for most people. As few as one set, or as many as 5 or 6 can work initially, but often one will find that a regression to the mean occurs if they start with too few or too many work sets. Start with only one and you may soon find that you have to increase the workload to keep progress going, start with 5 or 6 work sets and you might find that you soon have to decrease the workload to recover properly and keep progress going.

A proven and effective way for a beginner to progress is to start with 3 sets of 5 on an exercise, weight picked to make the last rep on the third set only slightly slower and harder than the first rep of the first set. This is lighter than the weight that COULD be done this first workout, but don’t worry, it is heavy enough to provide stimulation for growth in a rank beginner. From here, simply add 5lbs to the bar each successive time you do the exercise if it is an upper body exercise, 10lbs if it is a lower body exercise. The rate of progress can be lowered for a small female, or could be increased for a large male. But for most people, progressing slower than this means progressing slower than you were capable of, and progressing faster than this means that the initial, easy strength gains that all beginners get will stall prematurely. Wiggle room on this one? Well, you can get fancy and change the reps. One might do 3 sets of 4 with 100lbs one day, do 3 sets of 5 the next day, then 3 sets of 6 the next day. Then add 10lbs and drop back to 3 sets of 4 the next day. Or something like that. Even complicated schemes can work, something like this: Establish a maximum set of 3. Then do 2 workouts of 3 sets of 5 at a certain percentage of that set of 3, then the next workout attempt a new maximum set of 3 with 5 or 10lbs more than your old maximum.

The further you get away from the simple act of adding weight to the bar each workout, the slower the initial gains are likely to be. But the further you get away from that first month or two of training, the more appropriate it is to “complicate” or change and slow down your method of progression. If you want to know if you are at least within line of sight of the trail and heading in the right direction, as yourself two questions. Do I have a plan that includes raising the weight on the bar in each exercise in a logical and stepwise manner? Do I know, before I drive to the gym, what weight I am going to put on the bar in each exercise? If your answer to these two questions is yes, then rest easy. Even if you have gotten a ways off the beaten path, your socks are dry, your compass works, and your canteen is full. Your route might not be the fastest, but you will get to your destination. If your answer to either question is no, then i hope you kept your matches dry, cause you are probably gonna need them.

I hope these guideposts help someone out there. There are several very good and very well explained programs available over the intenet that keep you solidly in the middle of the well traveled path, and are virtually guaranteed to work. But let’s face it, we are not all just alike, physically or mentally. And some of us get almost as much enjoyment in planning our training as actually doing it, or spend almost as much time doing so! And, often planning your own training increases your ownership of what you are doing, increases your enjoyment, and makes it more likely that you will continue to train. So plan away! If you keep the guideposts presented here in sight, you are likely to get to your destination. And never find yourself halfway up a cliff wall in a thunderstorm. With no safety rope.

My friend Jacob Tsypkin and I were discussing various topics last week over a couple of expertly cut and grilled steaks. How to best combine strength training with conditioning, the good and bad of traditional Crossfit programming, and the difference between exercising for health and training to achieve a set goal were all on the table. Naturally, these various topics condensed down to how to best train for and survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

One thing that we both agreed on was that for someone who starts out as inactive, weak, and out of condition, there is nothing that can be done to prepare them for the onslaught of the undead in a month or two. The only thing that can shift things in their favor is plenty of luck, guns, and ammo.

I believe that since no one can prepare for the zombies overnight, it only makes sense to set a date. Set a date a reasonable distance away from your starting date. Make it your goal to be as ready for the zombies as you can possibly be at that set date. I think 6 months is a reasonable time period. The zombies have not come for thousands of years, the next 6 months seems like a reasonable bet for the continuation of modern society.

Although the ideal preparation might differ person to person, let’s concentrate on the previously mentioned inactive person. A guy who has spent too much time on the sofa or at a desk. Little history of physical activity. Weak and out of condition. How do you get this guy as close to a Ving Rhames level zombie fighter as possible in 6 months?

I would suggest concentrating on strength first. Strength is the basis for all other physical qualities, can only be built quickly in the absence of significant conditioning, and an increase in strength will in and of itself improve all other physical qualities in untrained people. Quick, linear gains in strength can be maintained for at least 8 weeks for most people who train correctly. So for 2 of your 6 months, do a reasonable linear progression beginner strength program, resist the urge to condition, and eat properly to gain strength.

Since the lions share of quick and easy linear strength gains are exhausted or close to being exhausted for most at 8 weeks, this makes a reasonable point to mix in some sort of conditioning. I would suggest that you start with some quick anaerobic conditioning a couple of times a week, and build from there. Sprinting, 5 or 10 minutes of continuous KB work, any one of the many Crossfit workouts that are over in under 10 minutes. As you go from conditioning twice per week to 4-5 times, strength gains will certainly slow down, and probably stop. That’s OK, if strength was your only goal, you wouldn’t be conditioning in the first place.

After 8 weeks of pure strength programming, and 8 weeks of mixing strength with anaerobic conditioning, it is time to mix in some LSD and get aerobic. After all, when running from the zombies, there might well be a time when you have to cover 10 miles on foot as quickly and effectively as possible.

For your last 8 weeks, I would suggest 2 strength workouts per week, each followed by an anaerobic conditioning session. Enough to maintain each of these qualities, or come close to maintaining them. And add in 2-3 LSD sessions, or, at least one LSD session and 1-2 longer anaerobic conditioning sessions. Crossfit workouts that last well over 10 minutes, preferrably 20 minutes or more are good. Jogging is great. A day of hiking is great. Make sure you include at least one endurance activity per week where you are on your feet most of the time, as you are unlikely to be fighting zombies or evading them from on top of a rower.

If the zombies do not come within these first 6 months, test yourself. Make it a week long event. On the first day, emphasize strength. Get a powerlifting total, or get a Crossfit total. Or max your clean and jerk. Something to test your strength.

On the second day, test your anaerobic condition. Do a 10 minute continuous KB snatch test. Do Fran. Do a 1k or a 2k on a C2 rower. Or do 2 of these things, or something else, something that makes you work longer than 3 minutes, but not more than 10.

On your third day, see how fast you can cover 10 miles. Or 5 miles. Or see how far you can row in an hour. Or how fast you can transverse your favorite hiking trail with a modest backpack weighing you down.

What next? Make a new plan. Emphasize and prioritize what you are weakest at. And set another date to test yourself, preferably using the same tests as you did the first time. Look at where you have improved the most and least, and where your new weak point is, and make a new plan, and set a new date. Repeat to infinity. Remember, they may not be coming tomorrow, next week, or next month. But they are surely coming. Be prepared.

PS: for the average guy or girl who just wants to get more generally fit and healthy and look good naked but does not fear zombies, these are pretty good recommendations for you also.

For many lifters, sticking with the program is a difficult task. Beginners seem to have a particular problem with this, and it’s understandable. Everything is changing fairly fast. One day snatches feel natural; the next the bar goes everywhere except where it’s supposed to go. On Monday you might stand up with your clean easily on every rep. On Wednesday you might be catching a bit forward and struggle to stand up, or even fail to stand up with weights that were easy two days ago. Of course the temptation is to want to work extra hard on the snatch after a sub-par day of snatching, do extra front squatting after you have a day or two when the cleans are hard to stand up with, or to change your training plan or even your whole philosophy after a bad week or two.

But giving in to temptation is almost always wrong. Assuming you are following a well balanced program to begin with, have some faith. The road to the top is always filled with curves, and the road will only get longer if you jump around from one thing to another in your training. A good solid belief in what you are doing and a willingness to stay the course and put the required amount of work will get you to the finish line a lot quicker than changing your training program every time you hit a bump in the road. If you can’t do this, then just like Darth Vader, I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Kids like the one in the picture (my son, William) need enthusiasm and praise from a coach just as much as they need technical correction and good programming. And some coaches simply do this better than others. And the ones who do it best are rarely the most experienced coaches around.

Let’s face it, we can’t all be Gene Gilsdorf. He is 58 years old and has been coaching for well over 30 years, yet still retains an enthusiasm that is unbelievable. I have seen him consistently react to say a 12 year old athlete making a 1kg PR in a local meet in a manner more expected when an Olympic gold medal is being won or a world record is being set. Jumping 3 feet in the air, clapping, yelling, then lots of hugs for the athlete. This after 40+ years in the sport and after coaching several international level athletes.

No, we can’t all be like Gene Gilsdorf, and it’s too bad.

I know I am less excited now about a beginner making a PR than I was a decade ago. I wish this wasn’t so, but, it is. As i watch competitions, it is always the newer coaches who are the most encouraging and the most enthusiastic about the progress and PR’s of beginner lifters. It is usually the newer coaches that work the hardest at recruiting, that try new things to grow the sport.

Of course, those with 10 to 20 years invested in coaching have something to offer that most beginner coaches do not. But those of us in this position need to realize that unless our drivers license says Gene Gilsdorf, these newer coaches have something to offer that we have lost a little bit of along the way. We need them as much as they need us. I have seen a fair bit of conflict between the “new guard” and the “old guard”. I got my share of friction when I was the new guy on the block, at least some of it deserved no doubt. But there is really no reason for the amount of friction that is sometimes seen.

I have come to realize that a few of those “new coaches” are gonna stick around for a decade or two, and could easily replace me. On the other hand, I doubt I will ever recover the enthusiasm for beginners I had 20 years ago. I love the sport more than ever, but some things are just better suited for youth. So maybe we need them even more than they need us?

If you are ever in Onaga, KS, stop by Onaga Weightlifting club and watch Gene coach. I am sure you will learn someting, and it will probably have nothing to do with start postion or how to pull a bar.

With the end of registration less than 2 weeks away, I would like to encourage those who have not yet entered to think again about coming to this event! I have heard a number of people tell me that they have decided not to participate because they “are not good enough” for this big of a meet, or that they “have no chance”. Both statements could not be further from the truth.

For one thing, there is more to the Grand Prix series than getting prize money. These meets are more than just a weightlifting contest, they are an event! This preliminary sets the stage for the full series next year (3 preliminary events and one finale) where there will be free technique clinics, various fun and spectator friendly contests outside of lifting, cookouts, $50,000 of prize money, various media coverage, and the very, very real chance of ending with the finale on TV! In fact, in this upcoming event, I will compete against Brad Hess in a 500 meter rowing contest, and will likely puke my guts up for the enjoyment of all spectators.

This is a very ambitious effort to promote Olympic lifting in the good old US of A, and to help popularize it with the masses. Come and support the sport whether or not you think you might walk away with any cash. And if you are a rank beginner? Come eat some BBQ with us, interact with some of the best coaches around, get a few pointers, get some experience on the platform, and above all, have FUN! We are very serious about providing beginners with the absolute best experience possible, so if you are a beginner entering your first or second meet, you WILL walk away a better lifter. I guarantee it.

Oh, and about the prize money? Have you noticed that because of the date, the lifters on the world team will be unable to participate? It’s my guess that of the 10 lifters walking away with cash, several will be in the category that came “even though they had no chance”.

So come on out to Charlotte for an event you will tell your grandchildren about. Well, maybe not, but at least you will tell your children. If you have them, that is.

And last but not least, I encourage all the bloggers that read this to SHARE IT! Put it on your blog word for word, link it, use part of it, I don’t care, just get the word out. Those with a facebook following, same to you! Get the word out and see you in Charlotte.

Yes, this has noodles in it, and I am always big on suppers of meat and veggies without the big carb sources like bread, pasta, and rice. But if you are gonna have a cheat meal, this is an easy, fast, and ridiculously tasty way to do it. Takes 10 minutes, plus the time needed to boil the water for the pasta.

Ingredients:

Use good high quality whole wheat pasta. I get the stuff they sell at Costco. Of course it is sold in bulk, but, breaks down to about $1 per 16 oz portion. Get about 2.5 to 3lbs of seafood, I like to use shrimp, calamari, mussels, and scallops. I have tried other things like various kinds of fish, but this combination makes the most tasty finished product. I spend about $15 bucks for the 2.5 lbs that I normally use for this dish, I get about equal proportions of all 4 types, but your taste might vary. You must also have some marinara sauce, not spaghetti sauce, but marinara. I like the sweeter stuff for this dish, I get mine from the refrigerated section of Costco but you might want to try some different things to see what you like. Mine costs about $5 dollars for two little tubs of it, I use both tubs. You also need to have some olive oil and butter on hand.

Directions:

Boil some water and add 16 oz of noodles. Mine take about 9-10 minutes to finish, and you will be finishing most everything else within that 10 minutes.

Add a little olive oil to a stir fry pan like the one in the picture. I dont measure but I would guess about 3-4 tablespoons. Dump all the seafood in the pan, and set the stove on or near high. Stir frequently, constantly even. If your stove is anything like mine, it will take about 5-6 minutes to thaw everything. At this point, quickly drain all the liquid out of the pan by whatever method you prefer, then add about 2-3 tablespoons of butter and continue cooking for about 3-4 more minutes. It is important to drain before you add the butter, or the final product will have a sauce that is too thin, and will taste maybe just a little TOO fishy. At this point the noodles will be done, drain them, put them in a serving dish, and add a couple of tablespoons of butter to keep them from sticking together. Now add the marinara to the seafood, and continue to cook till it starts boiling, 1-2 minutes usually.

And then you are done. Take the dish with the seafood and marinara and stick it on the table, do the same with the dish containing noodles. Then eat it.

This serves 4 normal humans, or 2 weightlifters. Or, it would serve Brian DeGennaro.

The total cost for one magical batch of this stuff is about $21 dollars. I doubt you could get one normal human serving at a good restaurant for that price. Plus, this recipe actually tastes better to me than most similar things I have eaten in restaurants.