Monthly Archives: December 2011

I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane.

Yesterday something happened in the gym at California Strength. Just a little thing between Donny Shankle and me. No fuss was made beyond us locking eyes for a moment and both knowing what the other was thinking, but its something i had waited to see for almost a decade. I’d be lyin’ if I said I didn’t have to wipe my eyes a minute later, but thankfully no one noticed.

But nothing remains constant. As soon as a milestone is passed, it’s significance fades, and the focus is shifted to some other marker further down the road. No matter what you do or how satisfying it is in that beautiful moment in time, immedietely you want more. You have to, if you want to find out how good you can be. You HAVE to look at goals as the most significant, beautiful, wonderful things in the world to obtain, then when they are attained, curtail the joy in short order, and again look forward and begin to build the desire in your heart for another destination on the horizon. Sometimes it seems crazy to always look to what your fingers cannot quite touch, to not let yourself be satisfied, never rest, never allow complete happiness with what is. Seems like a crazy way to live.

On the other hand, I believe I would go insane without it. If my quest, my dreams, even my own white whale to chase was replaced with a mindless 9 to 5, white picket fence, sit-coms in the evening and nothing more to bitch about than taxes and the neighbors they probably would have to strap me down and start the medication.

In the words of the great Waylon Jennings, I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane.