This could save your life.

In every discussion about what to do when the zombies come, you have a person here or there who isn’t quite thinking straight. Not thinking straight includes those who would choose to do battle with swords, chainsaws, and flame throwers.

Let us consider the flamethrower first. To do this, we must go beyond the “cool factor” of demolishing a group of zombies by burning them alive. Well, not quite alive I guess, but you get the picture. We must look at the true capability of the flamethrower. The M2-2 flamethrower of the US military weighs about 43lbs empty, and with full tanks of gasoline and nitrogen it weighs 68lbs. If course, one tank of gas has a total burn time of 10-12 seconds only, so you are gonna be needing to carry a LOT more gas, and probably extra nitrogen tanks also. Of course, even if you have that gas and nitrogen to spare, do ya’ think you might ever be facing more zombies at once than a 12 second burn will take care of??? Cause ya’ know, if you ever are, your screwed. Do you know how long it takes to refill an empty flamethrower gas tank and maybe change the nitrogen bottle? Well I don’t know either, but I bet it’s gonna be longer than you will have.

But ok, let’s assume that you somehow get around a few zombies carrying your 100lbs of gasoline and gear. Everyone can get lucky a few times. When you are out there laboring under the weight of all that gasoline, what kind of target are you going to look like to other HUMANS? I suspect gas will be something in short supply, and people can turn ugly in extreme situations. Since at least some of these people will have been intelligent enough to have rifles, which can kill you at 100 yards easily, and your flamethrower tops out at 40 yards, well, congratulations, you just served as a gas transport service for the guy who is gonna shoot you dead and take that gas. No big deal, the post apocalyptic world doesn’t need misfits like you anyway.

Now, it is hard to find a stupider choice of weapon to take out into a zombie infested world than a flamethrower, but those who advocate a chainsaw have succeeded in doing so. A chainsaw is, definately, even stupider than a flame thrower. It’s range is about, what, 2 feet? It is gas powered, enough said about that. And, how many of you idiots choosing chain saws have ever actually operated one? Well, I have, extensively. Let me tell you a few things about a chain saw. First, they spray whatever you are cutting all over you, in this case it would be infected zombie blood. Second, sometimes they dont start right away. Sometimes they stop running for odd reasons and you have to tinker with them to get them going again. They run out of gas. The chain gets loose and has to be tightened, or it comes off. You know, when the zombies come, I hope there are a few people around me with chainsaws, cause everyone knows that when one person goes down, zombies converge on them to eat them. This will take some pressure off me when I am trying to get to safety. You know, the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that the zombies might, in the end be good for humanity. Lot’s of inferior genes wont be getting passed on.

Now, a sword is not quite as stupid as a flamethrower or a chainsaw. Most people seem to go with a katana. There are some good points. It is light, can’t really malfunction, and won’t run out of ammo. But come on guys, cool as it would be to go all ninja on a bunch of zombies, let’s get real. If you only have a sword, you are limited to killing a zombie when he is literally right on you. Do you really want to get that close to them? And what do you do when there are 10 of them in a group? Have you never watched “Ultimate Warrior”? Slicing through a zombies neck is not gonna be like slicing through warm butter. And what if your aim is slightly off or you dont swing quite hard enough? What happens when the blade gets stuck in a shoulder, or a spinal cord? Cause that kind of shit is gonna happen, mark my words. And have you thought about what would happen if we get the worst case scenario, the Rage type zombies from “Dawn or the Dead”, instead of thew Walkers, as seen in “The Walking dead”? Yeah, with the Rage type, you can barely shoot fast enough if 10 of them are coming at you from 20 yards away, if you are swinging a sword, man, you are GOING DOWN. Yes, I think Walkers are more likely, but you have to prepare for anything, and if the Rage zombies do come, some sort of firearms is the ONLY thing that will have any chance to save you.

This is important stuff guys. Going out to meet the zombies without some type of firearm is like going to a weightlifting competition without weightlifting shoes. Yes, we may have various opinions about what brand of weightlifting shoe, or what caliber of firearm. But it would be just as stupid to take a sword out to fight the zombies as it would be to wear a pair of these…

in a weightlifting competition.


7 responses to “This could save your life.

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